amazing

I am amazed how "well" I am doing here. I have had 3 interviews already! I never had that back in Maryland. I can't even remember how many resumes I sent out to my local area. I send a handful out here and people are eager beavers to chat with me.

I am really hoping that I am able to get the main job that I came out here for. It's working with the railroad here. It pay and bennies are good. I am not so sure how I did there though. If I got the job I will be getting a call from them this week.

Other than that there is nothing new here. Hope all is well in Bloggville!

fingers are crossed

Well, I see that I am popular as ever. I am in Minnesota right now. I was called for an interview at a really good job so I couldn't pass up the chnace to come out here for the interview. I am not so sure how I did. Was one of those things that you left scratching your head..not sure what they had wanted. I am hoping to hear back from them in the next week.

I am also going to be beating down doors to see what I can find here. I hate this! It really sucks. What can you do? I left my camera at home so I am not able to detail it with pictures. Doesn't matter much anyway..Nobody is here.

whats the deal?

I am kind of pissy today. I recieved another email from some HR puke asking if the amount they wanted to pay me good enough. I had eagerly accepted many offers like this. Then I get no response back to want to hire me.

What's the deal? I am guessing that I am under qualified for some jobs and over qualified for others. But even if I am over qualified and I sent you my resume and you liked it, wouldn't you still hire me? I am getting sick of this shit. I want a job and need to work. Any insight to this would be greatly appreciated.

disgusting

Not sure what my fan base is. I am sure that I have a commited readership of 5-6 people. I am fine with that. That is my niche in blogging I guess. I have been looking at my previous posts and have noticed a trend in when I get comments. It's usually after a disgusting post. I wonder why that is?

Well not to let anybody down, I have kind of a disgusting story to share. Last night, me and my wife took our dogs out for the last walk of the evening. We were both tired as hell and just wanted to get in. My one dog, Princess (we didn't name here), was shitting. We looked around at the bats catching bugs and were ready to go in. We noticed that Princess was still pooping. I took a look and noticed that she had a piece of poo still hanging out of her ass. I picked up a dry brittle leaf and told my wife to extract this piece of poo. She obliged and had no success. I picked a green leaf from a tree and she used that to pull the poop from her butthole. I am watching the procedure from a safe distance and see my wifes arm extend about a foot and a half from her bung hole. It seems that this one piece of crap was attached by string or hair. It glistened in the night from nearby street lamps. It was shiny and was seriously about 18" long. Me having the iron gut that I have, start to salivate and dry heave. My eyes become blurred by tears froming. My stomach is wrenching and trying to push the contents of my dinner out. I repeat this about 3 times and have drool dripping from my mouth. I turn to my wife all teary eyed and see her laughing her ass of at me.

I wonder what the hell my problem is? My wife asked me how I was able to change our son's diaper. I could do it easily in the beginning because baby poop doesn't stink. It's just goopy! Then as he was older there were a few times that I was gagging my ass off. Just a reminder, I can't smell all that well so like a blind person, my other senses are heightened. For example, taste! Do you know what it's like to taste baby poo or submerge yourself in a dog crate after explosive diarrhea? I know this all to well and seems that it created great fodder for my readers. Enjoy my misery!

P.S. I had told my wife that I had blogged about the whole dog poo incident and she had asked if I wrote about what was in the poo. I guess I had no idea that I needed to state such a thing. She went on to tell me that I should have named the post, "Dog poo and Tampons". I asked her why tampons? There is nothing about tampons in the whole story. She clued me in on the fact that what she had pulled from our dogs ass was indeed a tampon.

If we don't crate Princess up when we leave she likes to dig in the trash. It seems that Princess is part shark and went berserk over the trash in my wifes bathroom. Well the other day I had come home and saw that my wife feminine products were scattered all about her bathroom floor. I guess she must have eaten one and it had taken a few days for her to pass the clump of bloody cotton. Needless to say, she is crated from here on out.

That be it

Well, I finished my story finally! I am sure that I left some good stuff out but it happens. I apologize for the graphic pics of vomit and poo. It had to be shown to get the full effect of the story.

I am hoping someone enjoyed the story. Is this thing on?

Chapter 6: On the road again...shitty pants

It was eventually time for us to go. J and his wife had made some tuna steaks and they were great. Soon after dinner I started to get the bubble guts again. I borrowed some anti-pooping stuff and was on the road again. We had left at about 10:30 p.m. I was doing good but on the drive down through Wisconsin, I was bored and getting tired as hell. Not to mention that I was having sharp pains in my gut. I drove for about 3-4 hours and had to pull over. I found an old hick gas station with a bunch of 18-wheelers parked for the night and turned my car off. It was pretty hot inside the car but soon was cold as hell. I would wake up feeling like I had to puke. I was to tired and sore to move. I sat there and fell back asleep. My son was sitting behind me so I wasn't able to really recline the seat that much so I was twisted, cold and sick. Wasn't a great nights rest. My wife woke me up at about 4:30 a.m. and she took over the driving duties. I fell back to sleep as soon as we were on the road again.

I eventually woke up in Illinois and had to shit bad. We had found a gas station so I could do my business. I had to buy some pepto so I could feel better and drive. Soon after that my son starts to puke and the return trip just went downhill. I sat there and get these pains in my belly that would make me lurch over in pain.

I slept a while more and my wife wanted White Castle again. I couldn't eat. I slept in the car. We were making good time and I was starting to feel better. I had told my wife I could drive. She was trying to set a new record for herself I guess and never let me drive. I had pooped a few more times and had noticed that I had literally shit myself a few times. I am guessing that while I was sleeping I had moved or farted and I had leakage. Yuck!

My son was getting better but he had some guts to clean out as well. He dropped a bomb and was better after that. Thank God because I'm not sure I could handle too many more of those presents.

I was starving and finally ate a sandwhich from a gas station. I was still feeling a bit down and out. I had fallen back to sleep and woke up with my car stopped and my wife gone. I had no idea what was going on. I figured out that we were home and she had to pee really bad.

All in all it was a great trip and I can't wait to move back to Minnesota. I know it was a vacation and your supposed to have fun and do nothing, but I missed being home. I am trying to get back there as soon as I can. It was nice seeing old faces and being with my family again. I will keep you posted.

Chapter 5: Bob Dylan revival

I eventually woke up and all was good! There was nothing much to do but see some of the sights and enjoy ourselves. I had taken the chance to show my wife more of my wonderful hometown. She was starting to like it a lot. Especially since the weather here is so fucking hot and humid. The weather there was perfect. We wound up heading to check out Lake Superior and get out and show the boy some nature and beauty.

Right next to the beach that we went to was HWY 61! If anybody knows about Bob Dylan they know that he has an album called Highway 61 revisited. So we took the chnace to get some pictures there.

Then we headed off to see Bob's old house. I had an apartment across the street from it before I joined the navy!


After the whole Bob Dylan day we headed up to my aunts to hang out for a while. It was nice to hang out and do nothing and let my son play with his cousins. We had brought my son to my aunts almost daily so he could hang out and play with the kids. About this time in the trip my son starts to ask me, "Are we going back to our "normal" home?" I would tell him that we have to. Then he would get all pissed and not want to leave. He had thought we were going to be living with my friend J and his wife and kids. Too cute!

We pretty much just hung out for the remaining days and did nothing. I had tried to take my cousin who is 12 on a nice hike to the highest point in Minnesota (Eagle Mountain). We drove way back in the woods of northern Minnesota to arrive and get about a half mile in and my son starts to freak out. He is usually all about hiking and enjoying himself. This day he was a whiny brat! So we decided to turn back and take some of the old fire roads that link someof the 10,000 lakes together. We were in search of the elusive moose. My wife had never seen one before. What a crock. My wife is now coinvinced that there are no moose in MN. It was a hot day we stopped at every lake to see if we could see any. None to be seen. We stopped off at a great bar/restaurant called the "Tressel Inn". We sit down and tell the owner barkeep what we would like to eat and what we're doing in these parts. She goes on to tell us that she saw 4 moose on her way to work. Lucky her! I ordered a trainwreck with casualties. It was a bratwurst patty, beef patty, bacon, and fried eggs. It was sooooo good. I felt bad that I had promised my cousin this great day and it sucked ass. I will make it up to him when I get back there.

Chapter 4: I Be Strokin!

I woke up feeling pretty damn good. I drank the most that I had in over 6 years. Yet, there were no ill effects that I was assuming would be there. I took advantage of this to do nothing for the day. I was going to go fishing but the weather had turned on us and screwed that idea up.

My wife and friends wife went to the mall to get some shoes and left the men in charge of the kids. Not a great thing to do. J was down and out and his daughter was being cranky. I figured if me and my son left for a bit all would be good.

I had decided to go over to an ex-girlfriends house and see her parents and show off my offspring. They hadn't seen me in about 5 years. They are really good people and had done a lot for me when I needed it most.

Moving along, I went back to J's place and started to get ready for the big reunion night with the wife. Before we left we had to wait for the wives to get back from getting shoes so I could run J back into town to get his truck from the bar. It worked out well because I had to drop my son off at my aunts house. I have known the owners of this bar since I was a toddler. J was going to go in and have a beer and if they were there he was going to wait for me. So I quickly dropped my son off and cruised back to the bar. His truck was still there so I went in and saw old family friends. We chatted and and they bought me and J some beer and then we were off again.

We got back to J's place and the women were already ready. Us being men quickly put on some clothes and were ready to go. We arrived at this dinner and I introduced my wife to all of these old school chums of mine. I immediatly hit the bar and made small chat with whoever wanted to talk.

I had spotted a really good friend of mine and he had his fiancee with him. I am not a big fan of hers but went to say hi anyway. His fiancee had invited me and my wife over to eat with them and another couple. I love my friend and am even going to be his best man next month in a wedding. He is becoming a stiff. I made small talk with her for a while and was soon mingling among people that had a pulse. Needless to say, when it came time for dinner to be served I sat with J and his wife, and two solo guys that are good shit.


The dinner was good and everybody was enjoying themselves. Soon people were at the bar and drinking and socializing again. It became a bit boring and people started to make their way upstairs to the bar. We eventually got them back down and had a drawing of some prizes. But nobody was dancing. Me and J had the DJ/karaoke guy put in some Clarence Carter "Strokin". We had asked all of the ladies to get on the floor and shake what the good lord gave them. I had never heard this song before but now I know it will be the only song karaoke song I ever sing. The ladies loved it. From that moment on the floor was packed with men and women. Once again me and J save the day for the lame asses in my class.

I just kept drinking and drinking. If there is anybody that has been here since the begining may know that my nickname in HS was Cow. My wife was waiting to be bombarded with, "Your the Mrs. Cow?" They all called me by by my name which I found odd. They must have looked through the year book.

One of my fellow classmates was nice enough to throw an after party. Once the reunion winded down I saw my lame ass friend leaving for home. I asked if he was coming over and he shrugged his shoulders and said, "NO!" Like he's too cool! So I went back to J's and picked up some beer and headed over.

I arrive and there is a bonfire going and a grill being fired up. That is good shit. I opened a beer and started to tend to the fire. As soon as I heard that bratwurst was ready I was all over that. I was starting to drink myself sober. I had been drinking for 10 hours and was now getting back to being sober in a way.

Oh yeah, not sure what it was but I had the shits all night long. They crept out in methane form at first and I cleared the whole bar area out more than once when I farted. So towards the end of the dinner party I had to shit really bad and the one stall was in use and the other was open but you had to wade through a pile of vomit. I was pretty well lit up and weighed my options and thought going through puke was better than crapping myself. I sat down and did my business. Meanwhile my wife is looking for me and she finds out that I am in the bathroom and she comes in and starts to dry heave looking at the puke.
She thought that I did this. I opened the door and just laughed. Cut back to the after party and my bubble guts erupting again. I snuck in the hosts house and found the basement toilet. I had the lights turned off so nobody would freak out that I was dropping a Hiroshima in their bathroom.

I came back to where the party was and there was my ex-girlfriend chatting with my wife. Great! Well, it seems that they hit it off and all went well. I had to grab another beer and chat with wife and ex. Little did I know that the party was dwindling down and before long it was just me, my wife, the ex and the afterparty host. It was about 5a.m. before we left. My ex's ride never showed up so we walked her down to J's house and called another friend of hers to get her. It was close to 5:30 before her ride showed up. The sun had started to rise. Team Cackmandu closed the party down. Been a while since I have done that.

finished

Well, I am going to finish the last part of the story and that will be it. Nobody comes around to read this lame shit anyway. I just need to add some pics and it will be finished.

I am guessing that it's due to the summer and all. I am not sure what the hell I am doing here. It was slow in the beginning and then it picked up and now I am dead in the water again. WTF? I guess I will have to get out there and drop my name again and start all over. What a bitch I am!

Chapter 3: You dog humping sonuvabitch, how are ya?

It was now Friday and the fun was going to really begin. I went showed off my hometown to my wife and son again. There is really only so much that you can do where I come from but I still think a good time was had by all.

We were going to BBQ again before me and my friend were to go out for the evening. That evening being a "mixer" for my class reunion. My friend (we'll call him J) was telling me the clever things that he had wanted to say and do to people that he hasn't seen in so many years. I found this to be funny and something up his and MY alley.

So while me and my wife went to get some steaks I started coming up with greetings:

1. "Hey cocksucker!"
2. "You motherfucker!"
3. "How the fuck are you?"
4. "Holy fuck, how are ya?"

Then my wife popped off with: "How's it going you dog humping sonuvabitch?" That was it! I was going to greet people with that saying. They wouldn't expect anything less.

We ate a nice filling dinner and were on our way to meet and greet our classmates from 10 years before. The funny thing is that me and my pal didn't actually graduate in 1995. We were the slackers and "fun guys". So with that came not graduating on time. I graduated six-months later and J graduated almost a year later. So we had found it to be pretty funny when we were asked to host our "senior banquet" before we graduated. The "fun guys" were the only ones that emcee such an event.

Anyway, we arrived at the local watering hole where this mixer was being held. We had planned to be fashionably late. We show up and there are plenty of people that I want to see and not see. I am attracted to the bar where J buys me a beer and we start to mingle. Well, my idea of mingling was to stand there and let them come to me. Of course it works and within minutes me and J have people shooting the shit with us. There is one guy that comes up to me and starts chatting and he is cracking me up. In HS he was a kind of a dweeb and quiet. Now he is out there and funny as hell.

While I was talking with him I looked over and saw this hottie and wondered who that was. Then it clicked. I was going to play it cool and not look desperate. After a few minutes she came up to me and accused me of not knowing who she was. I told her that I wasn;t going to kiss her ass and jump all over her. Too chick! This woman was my date to my senior prom. She was good stuff.

Then I met up with a buddy that was really close with me and after we school we went our ways and haven't seen or heard from each other since. He was a good guy but he was the butt of a lot of our jokes behind his back. So I talked with him for while and was being fed beers by this guy. Soon it was time to mingle and everytime I ran into him after that I had a beer given to me. What a pal!

People just laughed when I called them a dog humping sonuvabitch! I called men and women this. Instant classic!

Needless, to say I drank way too much and had an amazing time! We found a ride home from one of our pals girlfriends. I barely remember the ride home.

Drunken Midget

Last night had to be one of the funniest moments that I had ever shared with my son. He had fallen asleep out in the living room while I was watching TV. I had put him down on his mini-couch and let him sleep while I still watched TV.

It was about 1:30 a.m. and he gets up and staggers around. He looked like a drunken midget. Then he walks close to the TV and pulls down his pull-up and starts pissing all over the floor. He is oblivious to what he was doing. He knew that he had to pee and had to do it right then. All I could do was laugh. He pulled up his bottoms and curled back up on the couch like nothing had happened.

I asked him why he peed on the floor last night and he got mad and told me he didn't. It was rather funny! I just hope he doesn't make a habit of pissing where he wishes.

Chapter 2: Bison Bugers

I had woken up the next day with an insane headache. I think due to alcohol and having zero water in my sytem. It was a rough morning but I had crawled out of bed and played tour guide with my wife.

She was bugging me to find this Whole Food Co-Op and I was taking her all around my stomping grounds showing her where I grew up. She wasn't digging it. She kept hinting at us going to the Co-Op. Little did she know that I was snaking my way down there.

We arrive and the wife is happy and she goes nuts buying all of this organic food and other items. We had promised our friends we would get some steaks and we could BBQ them that night. Well, we screwed them over and bought some buffalo burgers. We would picking up some lunch and heading across the street to a park and having lunch next to a creek and enjoying Minnesota.

We couldn't think of anything else to do so we went to go visit my aunt and her brood. We arrived and were greeted with screaming kids excited to see us. My son was stoked to play with some kids that can play. The friend that I am staying with has two kids but too young to play with him. We visited for a few hours and had a good time.

It was time to go back and BBQ the bison bugers. It had been a while since I had buffalo burger. We had forgotten to get some buns so I had to go the store and get some. Wouldn't you know it, the liqour store was next to the grocery store. I had to buy a case of beer.

We eventually had everything and had a wonderful BBQ! Very little beer was drunk at this venture. I was able to go to bed at a decent time and enjoy the morning after. I had to be in good shape for this evening. I needed to be tip top...

Chapter 1: The Cannonball Run of 2005

Well, here I am getting off my ass and writing about my wonderful trip to Minnesota. I will take your advice Smoov and just be about and not talk about it. So here is the first chapter of a boring story.

I had wanted to leave early in the morning but my wonderful wife forgot to take that day off so we were going to leave when she came home. I had expected she would be home for about 2 hours and then we would be in our family truckster and on our merry way. I am such a fucking idiot for thinking this. We never leave on time. She was busy cleaning up and doing this and that for her friend that would be staying here watching our pets.

After much needed prodding we were on the road at a little after midnight. My son, was asleep within minutes of pulling out and my wife stuck with me for a while but I had tried to get to her to sleep since I wasn't sure when she might be taking the wheel and giving me a chance to rest. We had both been up early that morning.

I live in the sticks and it take us about an hour to get to the DC area. Once there we were starting to make money and progress on Cannonball Run 2005. We are cruising along fine and my wife decides she's hot and needs the AC on. I like to be comfy when I drive not freezing my ass off. So we argued about that for a few miles and then we agreed on a comfortable enough temprature.

As I went west more we had started climbing some of the hills. I guess with hills and summer there is insane fog. It came from nowhere. I was lucky to see the hood of my car. Then just as quickly as it came it was gone. I repeated this wonder phenomona all the way into Ohio. But before Ohio we traveled the shittiest road in America...The Pennsylvania Turnpike. I hate this road with a passion. Not sure why, but I do. It's like driving in a cattle chute. There is a concrete barrier on the left lane and usually an 18-wheeler in the right. Not fun when when your doing 75 and can't see shit.

We made it well into Ohio by sun up. I saw my first state trooper on the border of PA/OH. I had chatted with a trucker a few years back on a similiar trip and he suggested I do the speed limit in Ohio. I think the state has a hard on for truckers personally. It was about 7:30 a.m. that we pulled over for some gas and a bite to eat. I had asked my wife if she had wanted to drive for a bit and let me sleep and rest and I could do the last bit of driving through Chicago and Wisconsin.

Of course she was all for it and took the keys and drove away. I managed to get a few hours of sleep due to the sun and my son jabbing me in the head to see if I was still alive. I had woken up to see that the amount of cars on the road had quadrupled while I was asleep. No big deal since we are on a major interstate traffic was going well. Until, the great state of Ohio had decided to do some work on I-80 in the middle of the day. Traffic had come to a standstill. Just great! We were making some good time.

We eventually made it through that mess and had zero problems. Time was flying and we were putting some serious miles behind us. Then wonderful Chesterton, Indiana came upon us like a beacon in the night. Chesterton is small town that has a White Castle attached to a gas station. We know of this place because 3 years earlier we had stopped to get some gas and I chose White Castle and my wife chose Long John Silvers. Since 'Harold and Kumar' came out she is all about White Castle. This coming from the lady that freaks when I see the frozen ones in the grocery store. Needless to say we stopped and had a nice lunch. I had noticed that there was a 1-800 number on the bag of bugers we bought so I called them and told them how great they were and how much we loved this Chesterton, Indiana White Castle. I had asked if I would get anything free for kissing their asses. The teenage girl on the other end of the line was asking someone and they said NO. I had to try!

We headed back out on the road and went through Chicago with ease and crept into Wisconsin. As we were entering Wisconsin it became black and gross out. Before long we were in India type rains and were at a crawl. The rain lasted for about 10 minutes and then we were back on our way. Wisconsin sucks to drive through. It's flat and you see nothing but fields.

I hadn't been able to fall asleep since I had woken up some 8 hours earlier. My wife's driving freaks me out sometimes. It seems that she accelerates towards brake lights. So she was driving and driving for hours. We finally hot northern Wisconsin and there is a hill that you come up and you can see Lake Superior and Minnesota. It's a beautiful site when you have been on the road for 20 hours.

We clipped into Minnesota and arrived at my freinds house at almost exactly 21 hours after we had left. We get out of the car and stretched our legs to get the blood going we were getting spooked because I had mentioned an article I had read some time back about long road trips and blood clots forming.

My friend was outside with his wife and enjoying a nice evening overlooking the lake that they live on. We exchanged hellos and discussed the good/bad of the trip. Within 10 minutes of arriving I had a vodka concoction in my hand and enjoying life in Minnesota again. We had gone out on his boat and taken my wife for a tour of the lake. We finished our vodka concoctions and started on the beer. I am not a big drinker anymore and I was suprised at how much I was putting away for just coming off of a cannonball run. I was getting the feeling that alcohol was going to be playing a huge part of my trip to the Northland.