Chapter 3: You dog humping sonuvabitch, how are ya?

It was now Friday and the fun was going to really begin. I went showed off my hometown to my wife and son again. There is really only so much that you can do where I come from but I still think a good time was had by all.

We were going to BBQ again before me and my friend were to go out for the evening. That evening being a "mixer" for my class reunion. My friend (we'll call him J) was telling me the clever things that he had wanted to say and do to people that he hasn't seen in so many years. I found this to be funny and something up his and MY alley.

So while me and my wife went to get some steaks I started coming up with greetings:

1. "Hey cocksucker!"
2. "You motherfucker!"
3. "How the fuck are you?"
4. "Holy fuck, how are ya?"

Then my wife popped off with: "How's it going you dog humping sonuvabitch?" That was it! I was going to greet people with that saying. They wouldn't expect anything less.

We ate a nice filling dinner and were on our way to meet and greet our classmates from 10 years before. The funny thing is that me and my pal didn't actually graduate in 1995. We were the slackers and "fun guys". So with that came not graduating on time. I graduated six-months later and J graduated almost a year later. So we had found it to be pretty funny when we were asked to host our "senior banquet" before we graduated. The "fun guys" were the only ones that emcee such an event.

Anyway, we arrived at the local watering hole where this mixer was being held. We had planned to be fashionably late. We show up and there are plenty of people that I want to see and not see. I am attracted to the bar where J buys me a beer and we start to mingle. Well, my idea of mingling was to stand there and let them come to me. Of course it works and within minutes me and J have people shooting the shit with us. There is one guy that comes up to me and starts chatting and he is cracking me up. In HS he was a kind of a dweeb and quiet. Now he is out there and funny as hell.

While I was talking with him I looked over and saw this hottie and wondered who that was. Then it clicked. I was going to play it cool and not look desperate. After a few minutes she came up to me and accused me of not knowing who she was. I told her that I wasn;t going to kiss her ass and jump all over her. Too chick! This woman was my date to my senior prom. She was good stuff.

Then I met up with a buddy that was really close with me and after we school we went our ways and haven't seen or heard from each other since. He was a good guy but he was the butt of a lot of our jokes behind his back. So I talked with him for while and was being fed beers by this guy. Soon it was time to mingle and everytime I ran into him after that I had a beer given to me. What a pal!

People just laughed when I called them a dog humping sonuvabitch! I called men and women this. Instant classic!

Needless, to say I drank way too much and had an amazing time! We found a ride home from one of our pals girlfriends. I barely remember the ride home.