almost there...Life according to Forrest Gump

I am almost feeling 100% again. I do wake up feeling like Mr. Weezy! Then I will be back to my old self.

I am debating on if I wanna stay in the Navy or not. I really enjoy the Navy but hate where I am at right now. Do I want to put the extra effort forth and stay in or just sack up and get out?? I guess I will have to make that choice soon. My enlistement ends in May. But I need a plan before that I would imagine. I would really like to finish school and head back to Minnesota. The thing with that is that I am not sure what the survivability of me and my family is. I have had a decent job for the duration of my marriage and will have to take a ballsy step and go out there. My thought is if I were to do that I would have no choice bit to succeed. There would be so much on the line if I didn't!! I would probably be taking a huge pay cut and will have to give up a few things. I will keep you posted on these turns of events.

I have been searching bloggville here and still having mixed reactions to the phenom of blogs. A lot of bubble gum and agendas out there. Pisses me off. I guess everyone has an agenda to a degree when posting here. Hell, i have an agenda! Let everybody know how fucking lame I am!! Agenda is done! I am just here to drop lines and keep anybody who cares up to date on my lame ass life. I do feel compelled to drop lines on people's blogs that do have something to say worthwhile. I guess it's the debater in me. I like contraversy and what people have to go through with their convictions!!

Peer pressure is it real? I'm not sure I have ever succumbed to it? If I didn't want to do something stupid I didn't do it. Yet growing up all of these parents hated me. They thought I was a bad seed. Was I a great kid? No! Was I a hoodlum? Far from it! So why hate me and forbid your kid to hang out with me? Sure I went to school for social reason not that academic crap. Was I smart growing up? Underachiever more like it! I never put my best foot forward. Is that how you measure kids in school? Grades? First off, I think I have turned out ok. I didn't have a traditional teenhood I guess. High school started off pretty rough. A month into my freshman year my mother passed away. Wonderful! What the fuck was I supposed to do? I was 14 years old. My mother had made arrangments before she passed and it was agreed that I would go live with her best friend. (My parents divorced before I really knew who my dad was) She lived in a different part of town and I was now out of my hood if you will. Now I had to take mass transit to see anybody familiar. My family fell to shit. I walked around school like a fucking freak! People whispered and pointed at me. Why? I spent a about 1.5-2 years and my mom's pals place and she was sick of the shit I was doing she booted me. The shit being a poor student and being what I thought typical teen agnst. I was scared shitless! I had lost 30 pounds and a teacher was concerned for me and had brought me into the principals office. I had to confess that I was staying at a friends house and wasn't really sure what the fuck I was going to do. Somehow the school nurse got involved and she started to get things rolling to get me in Foster care. Great I was going to be one of those fucking kids! You know the kid that would look lost in life and have zero hope. Eventually moving onto another school and foster family. I was going to be one of those kids. I was fairly popular in school at this point and now I just a troubled kid with nowhere to live. Turns out there was a really great family that lived about 4 blocks from my high school and I went to be "interviewed" by this family. That was insane! I had to make sure I would fit into the scheme of this family. Which was insane do to the fact that I knew the eldest son of the family. He was a year under me in school. He wasn't in the "in crowd". He was a geek!! The whole family were geeks!! Then I had a chance to live with them and appreciate them. Turned out there were pretty cool geeky people. My pals would always get a chuckle when they would stop by and pick me up. I had to eventually room this guy and he was an aspiring guitarist. He taught himself to play the Beatles song "Blackbird". There were nights that we would just sit and shoot the shit. He would let me in on his life and I would do the same for him. Pure entertainment!! He would tell me how all of my pals were douche bags!! So I would have to tell my pals to leave this kid alone he wasn't really a bad guy. This one time I was on the phone looking out my bedroom window and this kid is on the roof shoveling snow off. I see sheets of snow come pouring over and the next thing I see is this body hurdling through the air. He fell from a 2 story house. Funny shit!! He was ok though!

What the fuck just happened? Oh well, now you know some personal shit about me. It happens! I have noticed that a lot of people seemed to be gaurded with there blogs even though they make them out to be a safe haven for emotions and events in peoples lives. That can't be healthy can it? They come to vent if you will and half ass it. What good does that really do? Just be real and keep it honest. It's a therapy of sorts for many I am sure. Hell thats what makes blogging so great to me. I can put down anything I want to and have people read it and give me feedback. I had told myself that I would be honest with myself and to the people that find this blog remotely interesting. I love this shit. I'm still new to it but I think I could enjoy this for a while to come. It's good stuff.

Well, I am going to help wife make some dinner. Sorry for the side bar discussions right in the middle of the conversation. I will try to get better at that. It just seeemed to flow with what was going on in my rag tag mind...much more to follow I am sure. Peace out!! I am still waiting on suggestions for songs....for my CD 'music to blog to'!! Peace!!!!!